where does life go?

how does life get so crazy? i feel like i woke up this morning and realized half of my life is gone and i have no idea where the other half is going. life travels so fast, i feel like i do not get the really important things done. i just float along, day to day, playing "keep up" with life, my emotions and my daughter.

tomorrow is abby's observation day at ballet class. she has enjoyed this class so much. it should be fun to watch her in action. i just hope it is not too much of a distraction to have me there. i wish they had 1 way glass to observe instead. i hope to get video of her... keep your fingers crossed that our sporadic camera works tomorrow.

also keep your fingers crossed, or pray if you would rather, that i keep my finger... just kidding. i tore the corner of my nail last weekend and i now have an abscess under my nail. basically it feels as if i have a needle sticking into my finger every time i touch it to something. it has been throbbing all day and the swelling is up to my 1st knuckle. the good news is that it does not tend to swell beyond that - the bad news, so far i am not responding to antibiotics so it's off to the doctor again for me tomorrow morning before my upcoming trip.

i head out sunday for denver. i feel very blessed to have been selected to go as the second part of a team that went to the pebc thinking strategies institute a few years back. it is a reading conference that focuses on classroom environment and comprehension strategies. i am so pumped to see this in action after hearing my colleagues talk about how powerful the experience was for them. i got a sneak peak into the process as an instructor modeled at our school for 2 days in yayasmom's classroom last year. but that was 3rd grade and i have been curious ever since as to what it would look like in a 1st grade classroom. now i will get to see first hand and then try it out in mine! there are 8 of us going. sarah t and tony w are the others from the first grade team. i am glad i will have 1st grade colleagues to reflect on the process with and i'm looking forward to get to know the 3rd grade team a little better!

i just got done with parent / teacher conferences. it was 2 1/2 days of talking and it truly makes my head spin (still). almost all my parents were able to come, which is really nice. i learn a lot more about my kids during conference time. i had a new experience this year, one of my parents dropped the f-bomb, right in front of the student. i don't know why but i got embarrassed. i think i turned red. it was not done in anger, just matter of fact, so it was all good - just uncomfortable for me. i guess it could have been a lot worse.

i was relieved this weekend to get a hello from my cousin erin over in uganda. she and her colleagues recently spent 3 weeks out of contact in southern sudan. i was amazed and humbled as i read her blog entry about her experience there. if you have a chance to head over to her blog, she is a passionate writer and an incredible woman of faith. she also has links to blogs that have been written by her friends and colleagues in uganda with her. they are all written well and very inspiring to read.

speaking of inspiration.. my life group has left me with a lot of questions rattling around these past few weeks. this week is about getting even or giving grace. i have been searching my memory for a time when i had the opportunity to get even with someone. i can't think of a time...i think i probably block out times i have wanted to get even with someone. usually it is a time for me to practice counting to ten and doing deep breathing. or it's a time i gave in and got even and have chosen to forget because i know it wasn't the best thing to do. but i can honestly say, i don't think i strive to get even with others...it doesn't do any good. but the week is also bringing up forgiveness which is probably one of the hardest things for me to do. regretfully, i try and try to forgive but for some "sick" reason i do not forget emotionally painful experiences. i would like to. matter of fact most of the time i wish i could get selective amnesia and wipe out several years of my life but then i have to realize... i will not have learned from those painful experiences if i do not remember them. so, as much as i would like to forget - i shouldn't. which brings me back to forgiveness.

i used to think that if i forgave someone it meant that i was ok with what they did. like my dad, when he had an affair. i was livid with him for hurting our family but i still loved him because he was my father. i felt i would be disloyal to my mom if i forgave him but without forgiveness we could not have a true father-daughter relationship. then i met tricia. she told me that forgiveness has nothing to do with accepting a wrong doing. forgiveness is what is in my heart, it is my duty to forgive. the wrong doing is between my dad and God now. so it was up to my father to ask for his own forgiveness. i think that is why it was so important for me to know my father had found his faith before he passed. i was so worried he had not asked for forgiveness and i wanted so much for him to know that he was forgiven. it was out of my control. and if you know me...you know that "out of control" is very difficult place for me to be!

happy weekend. take care. and stay dry.